Monday, April 12, 2010

Excuse me, while you're peeing...

So, first things first: folks, I am not getting paid to harvest/donate my bone marrow. I've been surprised by the number of people who have asked me this question. On my way to UCSF hospital today when my cab driver, Arvin (yes, he's Indian) asked me what was in it for me, I told him ice cream and a Princess sticker.

He asked me what a sticker is.

People, what did I tell you about Indians?

Anyway, I had to go to the hospital for the third time in a week because I have a minor infection and have been given antibiotics. Well, turns out that it still hasn't cleared up so now, my bone marrow donation may be delayed, throwing everything off kilter in my little ole life.

By now, I know folks at UCSF - there's the coffee guy who has really wild hair and always says "Watcha See?" when he sees you. My bone marrow case worker at UCSF, Yvonne Wong, who speaks in a whisper and apologizes for everything. I could probably get her to apologize for global warming.

Then, there's nurse Ted who calls me NaNYa and tells me that I look good in pink. And, yes, I have been wearing pink everytime I go to the hospital. What would you wear to a place that's colors are puke green and vomit orange? What is with hospitals and their decor? Really? You can't put in a little thought to a color scheme that doesn't engage your gag reflex everytime you walk through the door?

Okay, I'm getting off track here. I go to the bathroom to pee into a cup and the lights go out. I hear "FUCK!".

That's Dr. Shelman's voice. Very professional. Nice.

So, I step out and wait for the lights to come back on.

10 minutes pass. 20 minutes pass. 27 minutes pass.

At this point, I'm frustrated because I really need to get to work.

That's when Yvonne comes up to me and asks if I would like her to hold a flashlight while I pee so I can make sure I get it in the cup.

So, I guess Yvonne and I have to be best friends now.


  1. For the record- I adore you but I'm not holding any sort of light source while you relieve yourself in any way.

  2. The lights going out at a hospital? Are you sure you want to operate there?

  3. The trials and tribulations of your donation process ... well, at least you now know who your true friends are ... Yvonne! Hang in there and beest wishes during this process.

  4. I love it...'what's a sticker?' Hope you feel better soon and body starts cooperating with your schedule :)

  5. So glad you can keep a sense of humor through this, and really enjoying reading your blog (especially since we haven't caught up in ages!).

  6. OK - too many things to comment on, so I need a bulleted list:

    1) Arvin? More like Ar-AVINDH. Love it. Like "Bobby" Yes-I'm-the-Gov-of-Louisiana.

    2) I heart Dr. Shelman.

    3) I thought IRMA was your case worker. Who is Yvonne? And why does she have a flashlight on hand at work? Does anyone else have a flashlight at work?

    4) Bunty? Did you tell him that your name was BUNNY???!!! Love how he was still in cuffs at the hospital - because faking marrow transplants is a prime way to break out of jail....

    5) Just remember - when the going gets tough, just think "What would Emilio do?" That should get you through.


  7. I think the puke green and vomit orange decor are for easy clean up.